i know who “Not Me” is!

Posted on 3 October 2006. Filed under: Everyday Life, Kid Time |

Lets rewind about 1 month. I was all excited after a trip to Walmart. I had finally found the mouthwash for kids that tints their teeth blue and then they brush it all away. Just something fun that makes my son WANT to go brush his teeth. (And the bubble gum flavored flossers work great too!) I took the time right away to show my son how to use this mouthwash, you take the cap off and squeeze the bottle a bit until the cap fills to the fill line. *Note: I said “take the cap OFF” Okay…… everybody got that little bit of info.

A few days later… I sent my son into the bathroom like I do every night to take care of his before bed duties, go potty and brush his teeth. I could hear him in there, water running, dancing around, singing etc. And then….. it got very quiet. That is extremely unusual at this house. My son and quiet do not go in the same sentence. That’s when I heard the faint cry “Moooooooom”. Had I known what I would find on the other side of the door that night, I would have prepared myself, or sent somebody else in. I stepped into my bathroom to find my counter, sink, floor, outside of the cabinet, inside of the cabinet, shelves, bathtub, toilet, ummm let’s make this easier, absolutely everything tinted blue! As I struggled to keep my cool….. not only from crying after seeing this, but not to laugh at the priceless look on my son’s face….. “What happened?” I asked him. My son says “Well I picked the bottle up and it had a crack in it, so I put it in the sink and then I decided just to throw it away so I put it in the garbage.” However, when I stepped in the bottle was sitting on the counter….. leaking. Mom says “Okay but how in the hell did mouthwash end up all over everything if you went from the sink to the garbage? And it’s not even that big of a crack! So….. who made that mess?” My son….. “ummmm….. not me, it was just leaking a little bit” At that point I was more concerned about getting all this blue mouthwash cleaned up before it dyed my bathroom blue. So I cleaned up the mess, thinking the entire time…….. that shit sure went a long ways for him just picking the bottle up and seeing it had a crack in it. But whatever…… I decide instead of arguing with him I’m just going to leave it be, clean up the mess and go to bed. Which is exactly what I did.

This past saturday I made a trip to Walmart for a few things and picked up a new bottle of blue mouthwash for my son.

This brings us to today…… It was the usual rush morning – me trying to do something with my hair while my son stands in front of me at the sink brushing his teeth. I had forgotten about the mouthwash so he just used it this morning for the first time. I took it out for him, took the wrapping off and set it on the counter, and continued to straighten my hair. He grabs the mouthwash bottle and starts squeezing – now you have to have a mental picture of a kid trying to squeeze a bottle until he’s shaking…… and this is when I notice – my god kid! take the damn cap off! it needs air!! And then it hit me……. *Gasp* You YOU YOU ooooooooo It WAS you that made the mess last time!!! You squeezed the damn bottle SO hard it popped!!! And then he turns around with a devilish grin on his face and says “Well I didn’t know it needed air!” Remember that bold line way back up at the top – yeeeeeaaaah…….. apparently I didn’t stress that enough……. “take the cap OFF!” But….. I finally found out who “not me” was from that day and I know that 99% of the time “not me” lives in this house. ๐Ÿ˜›

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14 Responses to “i know who “Not Me” is!”

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I am not yet at the “not me” stage with my daughter.. but this is hilarious. Can’t wait until its my turn. If we ever do get our second daughter from China, there will be 2 “not me’s” in our house. Wonder how I’ll handle that?

There will be a time I’ll find out.

I don’t get the “Not Me” I get the “It’s not my fault” even though D admitted that he did it he thinks that magically he shouldn’t be held accountable.
Then when I hold him accountable he gets all mad and tells me that I am mean.
That’s right darnit. I would rather be a mean mom than have my son grow up to think that he is entitled to everything and that he doesn’t have to accept responsibility for his actions.

Yep…. my son learned last night after filling (he spilled) my keyboard full of pop rocks! I hate that candy! Although last night….. as he cried telling me I was mean for throwing the rest of the pop rocks away…. I said to him “Maybe I should be laying on the floor crying because you spilled pop rocks in my keyboard, that’s far more expensive than a packet of pop rocks.” I want my son to understand money doesn’t grow on trees like all kids seem to think. He quit crying and went and cleaned his bedroom. Then later brought me a “I’m sorry note” along with a note saying he cleaned his bedroom and I owe him 10 cents. The only thing I could think of was he’s trying to make money for a new keyboard (either way I buy it – haha) since he’s not using the computer for a few days. Maybe I should have been blogging this – not commenting….. oh well. The things kids think of….. it’s so hilarious!

I can just imagine the blue bathroom. Did you have to use toothpaste to clean it up? ๐Ÿ™‚ How horrible!

freckle face girl: That’s awesome – No I didn’t have to use toothpaste – I didn’t even think of that ๐Ÿ™‚ Yes it was horrible. It was one of those messes that days later I was still finding blue mouthwash in the craziest places.

I seriously would have liked to have seen how hard he was squeezing the bottle to make it explode all over the bathroom like that.

I had two “Not Me’s” I also have a photographic memory of how rude my little “Mother Hen” (reformattingmybrain) was to her little brother. I actually have a lot of footage for proof as well, just in case my mind fails me.

ummmmmm…………. I’m nice to him now! Do I have another sibling you haven’t told me about cuz I surely wasn’t a “not me”. ๐Ÿ˜›

Oh my gosh J man. I can just see his little face SQUEEEEEEEEEZING that bottle. How funny! Poor mom!

You were MEAN to your brother?! I’m sure whatever it was he had it coming. ๐Ÿ™‚

Actually as much as I hate to admit this…… a lot of the time I was just mean – he wouldn’t be doing anything wrong and then I’d come along and in my eyes – EVERYTHING was wrong! ๐Ÿ™‚ haha

OR he would be totally minding his own business and I’d charge in and doing something mean like splash water in his face or throw sand at him. What a snot! I imagine I spent a lot of time on the couch insisting that I didn’t do anything wrong. Guess it all goes back to that “not me” comment. Shit…… I just admitted it!

I think I remember seeing on video me not letting him into the marshmallow drawer! haha Sorry bro! I’ll letcha have marshmallows before dinner now if you want. ๐Ÿ˜›

Ahhh. I’m so glad I’m an only child. Course I didn’t have anyone to blame anything on… that kinda sucked. ๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t think I actually had anyone to blame anything on either – since I was the bad child and he was the good child…….. right…… okay so he was better at fooling them! HA! That’s it! He did do stuff wrong – I just got caught dammit!

Ok, now THAT I would buy. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I saw that stuff at Walmart last night and about started giggling uncontrolably.

People stared. I blame you. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Next time I see that stuff in Walmart – I’m going to steal a package of post-its and stick a note on each bottle……

Reminder Parents: Please explain to your child that he/she must FIRST remove the cap before squeezing this bottle. If not…. personal injury may be the result.

Wow last time we were in Walmart we laughed SO hard at something completely different – people stared at us and I laughed harder. They’re just jealous.

Me + my boyfriend + camera + snow boot aisle + Napoleon Dynamite = Trouble!


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